Seriously. My life is the biggest piece of shit anyone has ever smelt. I shit all over my own life and I let others shit away.

If I had any self respect I’d do the “right” thing. I’d break up with my boyfriend, get a job, move out and get on with my life on my own.

No.

Because.

I’m a dependent piece of shit.

I make all the wrong decisions for some strange reason. I’m completely self-destructive and I know it. That’s why I’m always on the verge of a panic attack.

What’s the problem? Everything is. I lie lie lie my way out of conflict. I’m planning to completely destroy my piece of shit life pretty soon by making the worst decision of my life. Ever. I know it’s bad. And what am I doing about it?

Blogging. That’s right, I’m not even considering doing the right thing. I’m blogging to let everyone know what an idiot I am.

Please remind me what the fuck I’m doing with my life.

I can’t even get a job. I’ve applied just about everywhere. I can’t even get into fucking AUT!

Fuck it, I’m going to continue what I’m doing and whatever happens happens. I keep dreaming about plane crashes. Every night.

I want to destroy my belongings. And I REALLY want to destroy the paintings in my room. I want to burn all my journals, rip up all my clothes, smash all my CDs.

I think I’ve already destroyed all the cartilage in my fingers from squeezing my hangs together so much this year.

I want go into every place I’ve applied to work at, spit in the employers face and say “Go fuck yourself you hideous middle-aged dike!”

I HAVE TIME. I’m not busy! What the fuck could I possibly be busy with?!

I’m too busy to blog anymore, what should I do?